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Sunday, February 10, 2008

I a fussy bitch! But some things are non-negotiable

À la Golden Girls, "picture the scene.....

So, Curly K headed out on the town tonight, with a friend, who I have not seen in years but was at school with. We had a great night and had lots in common and it was really, really good to catch up and find someone in a very similiar position to myself; still single at 35, opinionated (but she is very quiet, whereas I would talk to the wall!), very similiar upbringing and understanding of how the world works (and yet very different, if that makes any sense!) and far from skinny.

After a lovely meal, where, unfortunately, they had managed to make only one mistake, in that, they mixed up our steaks, which was not a problem as I eat steak either medium-rare or very well done, depending on my mood, we headed to the pub and had some craic and then proceeded to the local late night bar. From there on in, do not know how it happened, but Curly K's mojo had returned a little and many men were saying hi and chatting - fantastic. Except, one I still don't know how he knew my name, other than I saw him chatting to my Resident-Fan-Club (older than my father, separated and so not of interested it isn't even funny!), nevertheless, good night was been had by all and then we bumped into a guy who works near me and who I know very well to see and also that he likes me, from previous nights out. I have been chatting to him before and he is a lovely guy. Fantastic, I hear you say - absolutely in so many ways, he is attractive, even though he ain't thin (never an issue for me anyway!), has a good job (I know where he works!) and I can talk to him (have already chatted to him lots on cigarette breaks) but then comes the rub. I bumped into him over Christmas out shopping - with his son!

Perhaps I expect too much but he already has two children by an ex-partner and then informed that he had bumped into a different ex of his tonight. I am still trying to work out which factor put me off most but his ex is rough (and I mean really, really rough) from my town and I most certainly ain't taking her leavings (completely politically incorrect thing to say but I ain't).

This lovely, lovely bloke who I get on very well with, asked me to meet him again, having spent a lot of time chatting to us and buying us a drink or two. He is a real gentleman but two factors really put me off - if I ever am lucky enough to have children, I want them to have what I had, in that they are their father's first children and not part of mixture of families, exes and all that entails. The second factor is I know his other ex and she is rough, nothing to do with where she comes from but she is really rough and so are her family and I found the fact that he had gone out with her for quite a long time (and been taken for a fool) really, really off-putting. I just couldn't ever, ever, be with someone who had been with that bitch. No matter how much I know that he is a really lovely guy and she, rough, conniving and the rest!

Perhaps incidents like this are why I am still single but in my defense I will chat to anyone and am really open to meeting people who have not been single all their life but I do feel strongly about the children thing and with regard to this guy's ex, I am so put off - she is, not to put too fine a point on it, scum! (She, and indeed her whole family were rough out when it was a rarity in this country!!)

*Edit* - I am not saying categorically that I would never consider going out with someone who has children, just that my first preference would be someone with no children, also some potential partners with children have considerably more baggage than others and obviously there was far from enough of an interest on my part to consider overlooking all the baggage in this instance.


WnB said...

I see it thus: would you like to be judged by a future lover on some of the mistakes you've made in the past? I know I wouldn't because it's the future that is important.

Curly K said...

WNB, I do know what you mean and realise that it seems like I am immovable and judgemental. I certainly don't always judge people by their past mistakes and have previously gone out with a guy with children who was long separated as well as other guys with other stuff in their history. It's just taken altogether it added up to too much. The children are still very young and the relationship with their mum seems very complicated and messy - just too much and perhaps it just pointed out that I am not interested enough in the guy to overlook those things. None of like to be judged by our past mistakes but in this instance it was the total rather than just the sum of the life history that proved just too much.

Doris said...

First off, I want to say what a great night out and to find that ya still got the magic and sparkly repartee with the blokes.

You have to stand by what you feel and anyway, I wonder if the right magic was there then perhaps whatever is in the past will not have mattered. So until then, you gotta stand by your own standards.

I know I have said before, but before I found Mr Doris I set out knowing I wanted a man with NO previous baggage ... because I had enough of my own to share and because I had been there and done it. That was extremely judgemental of me, but meant that I did the best possible thing not only for my kids but also a ready-made family for the lovely Mr Doris.

Perhaps if I had been blogging back then I might have made a similar post that could look most judgemental.

Curly K said...

Doris, I am so glad that you 'get' where I am coming from and that indeed you had made a decision that you wanted a man without baggage and that it is not only those of us without baggage that make that decision sometimes. I am very, very aware that my point of view can appear as judgemental, particularly to people who either find themselves single parents or parents that no longer live with their children and partner but sometimes the reality of what one would like and the politically-correct thing to say are two very different things. Also, what we ideally like can be very different to what we end up with - who knows I could meet and fall madly in love with someone with enough baggage to fill the hold of a plane - only time will tell!

Doris said...

LOL Curly - I can see you with a delightful pilot complete with a whole plane of baggage and you all getting on brilliantly :-) True enough that sometimes we don't get what we think we want, but on the other hand having a reasonable shopping list is no bad thing.

Thank goodness before Mr Doris met me he did accept that whomever he met (at the age we were) would most likely have baggage and was prepared for it. That didn't mean I had to feel similar. And same goes for you, though when cupids arrow is fired we take what we get.

And you know, I hadn't previously thought how politically incorrect such ideas could be!