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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Being an imitidating woman apparently

There are always moments in life that make us sit up and take notice and tonight I had one of them- I was talking to a woman who is slightly older than me and whom I have the utmost of respect for. She married a younger man when she was older than I currently am - but yet tonight she informed me to be careful, that I am intimidating to men! Not a position I'd ever considered myself to be in, to be quite frank! What worries me about the allegation is the sneaking suspicion that she is probably right!!

Now whilst I've never, ever thought of myself as a shrinking violet, likewise I've never thought of myself as a 110% gung ho woman who is intimadating to men!

But apparently I am, which: came as a surprise to me. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I don't exactly labour under the illusion that I'm girly girl or a sex goddess but I was knocked for six to be informed that I am perceived as ultimately very intimidating with regard to relationships to the vast majority of men in my social and work circle . And not only that but the remainder of guys in my social circle, could, apparently be forgiven for presuming that I'm simply one of the guys!!!

So my question is very simple; if you're not a girly girl. If fluttering your eyelids is something you don't do, unless you've a fly in your eye - where do you position yourself?

Where do you fit in if you're not a fluffy girly, girl but equally you're not a lesbian or a woman who does not want relationship?
I soo don't do fluffy: and what was clarified for me tonight is the fact that men actually find me either really intimidating or really amusing, as in, one of the lads!

My problem is that whilst I am a 100% hetrosexual woman I fail consistently to be anything approaching what men apparently consider to be either their ideal woman or approachable enough to meet them half-way - apparently what I am, with regard to men, is intimidating!

UPDATE: Mental note to self, do not post on blog in the early hours of the morning when drunk!


Coastal Aussie said...

Hi Curly K,

I'm being brave again.. and telling you the first thing that came to mind after reading your latest entry..... do you have a "wing-woman"? By this I mean a go-between to help the men over the introduction/rejection phase? Like the friend you mentioned, someone who could talk to a guy and see if he’d like to be introduced, or if he already knows you, your friend could find out if he finds you romantically attractive, and if so… she could encourage him to approach you.

I hope this doesn’t sound silly, because it’s advice I offered my friend and it worked for him. Of course, my friend was young and shy, but it still might spark a few ideas for you.

Also, I saw a science TV show the other night all about the way men and women's brains are wired differently. It was a very helpful show. And in regards to your topic, I saw on the MRI that men's emotional pathways are set up, so that a rejection from a woman releases physical pain messages from the brain... as a result, not only is their ego bruised, but they physically feel hurt/pain. And if this pattern is repeated often enough it makes a neural groove in their brain that is easily triggered by the thought that they might be rejected if they approach someone new.

Well, I suppose that was my long way of explaining that sometimes great guys might need a little help to get over the initial phases because their number one fear is rejection.

Please don't lose heart, such a wonderful and savvy woman like yourself will surely find a way !

Bye for now !

Mise said...

lol...I thought you gave me advice about putting anything in print while under the influence... but I can tell that you're really pissed about what your friend said ... I can't be of much help really, but I like smart, self-assured women, and I think that you are both.

Some men are intimidated by that! :-D

Devin said...

Men are totally intimidated by woman who don't fall into the categories that they dream up.If you don't fit in to what their expectations of what a woman "should" be you/we end up as unclassifiable.Good,we don't need their shite anyway.
A few years ago I was back home for a few days with my best mate.She's American,young,beautiful with a lovely personality and she happens to be an airline pilot.This was too much for most of my (former) friends who were shockingly rude and sexist as in "Ah c'mon now love..what do you really do? Trolley dolly right?".These lads were in their late 20's too so they had no excuse.Yet the worst part was my female friends agreeing with the boys(no men there)
So stay strong,stay confident and let those eejits say what they will.You are who you are and the right fella will dig that.

Coastal Aussie said...

I like what Devin is saying.

TheCatGirlSpeaks said...

I AM a girly girl, but have been told I come across as intimidating because I am "so self-confident" and always "look perfect". Neither of these things are true in the slightest, in actual fact, most of the time I'm a nervous wreck in social situations, but apparently men are frightened of approaching me. However, I think, screw them - if they're put off by the way I carry myself, they're probably not the sort of guys I want to know anyway.

Sorry, that's not much help.

thordora said...

I've always believed that the people you WANT in your life will be brave enough to chance your wrath. It's always been true for me.

Curly K said...

Wow guys, surprised you could make any sense of my drunken rant but glad you did!

Coastal Aussie: Don't have a wing-woman, never approached men myself, either directly or indirectly. But it is good advice.
Mise: I know, still don't advocate blogging when drunk, the results ain't exactly logical!
Devin: thanks for stopping by. You're right, of course, the person who is out there for any of us will "get" us!
CatGirl: I bet you do look perfect with your fashion sense and love of shopping! Your advice is always helpful
Thordora: how right you are!

ellybabes said...

Not sure why this only showed up in my RSS today...

Curly, it looks pretty simple to me - your friend sound jealous to be honest... I've been told many a time that I'm an intimidating woman as well, but my soul mate pretty much my opposite - he's much quieter and thinks before he speaks!! Yet he has the ability to ground me and make me calm down. Guys who are 'intimidated' by you when they first meet you are the wrong type of guy for you, you need someone who is very self-assured and comfortable in their own skin and who accepts you for exactly who you are...

Sandra said...

All I can say after these very coherent comments is...I hear you.