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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Revenue giveth and Revenue take away!

Have been in bed feeling truly rotten all day, one of those bugs doing the rounds has floored me. I have, in recent years gained the uncanny ability to catch every one of them going around - one of the joys of immuno-suppressant drugs!

But something happened today which has never happened to me before - Revenue are giving me money - sort of!! Having crawled out of the leaba and limped downstairs I noticed I had received two letters in the post today - both from Revenue.

1st letter read something like this:
Dear Curly K,
It has come to our attention that you are a crippled (arthritis), bloated & farty (IBS) PAYE taxpayer who we pretty much have by the goolies (if you had any) with regard to all your monies. This is of course due to the fact that firstly we get at your wages at source (we do love PAYE! and secondly because we have no reason to lesson the blow - well, you have not procreated, have chosen to have illnesses that are not tax-deductable etc.) However, we have now decided to throw you a bone, given your ahem, diabolical state of health and dependence on drugs. This letter is to tell you that our most efficient colleagues over in the HSE have informed us just how much money you spent on your (legal) drugs in 2006 alone. You do not need to do anything but because we here in Revenue are as efficient as our counterparts in the HSE we will shortly be forwarding you a cheque for €250 to do with what you will.
Yours generously,
The Irish Revenue Commissioners

2nd letter read something as follows:
Dear Curly K,
Your formerly new car (we believe you call her Betsy - how original!) is no longer new, as of next January, and we will once again be expecting you pay motor tax for said vehicle. However, despite your informed decision to go for a smaller engine size and as efficient emissions as you could afford, unfortunately you did this too early so will still have to pay the €251 per annum based on your 1198 cc engine rather than €150 based on your emissions. This, we feel, should teach you not to pre-empt Government Budget decisions - you pious wannabe green upstart.
Yours gleefully,
The Irish Revenue Commissioners.

So, as you can see, Revenue giveth and Revenue taketh away!

P.S. I should point out that anytime I have had to contact Revenue in the last few years I have found them to be very helpful and friendly to be fair.

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