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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Obese, Ugly Single Man Not Seeking Same

Jesus, how sad is this guy? He takes thinking positively to a whole new level.

"I figure it's only a matter of time before the right girl sees my ad," Nessie

Obese, Ugly Single Man Not Seeking Same San Francisco Ca. (DPI) ­ Nessie, 35, recently joined online dating service Lavalife, placing an ad with the headline "Seeking Gorgeous, Hard-Bodied Female" although Nessie himself is an overweight, unappealing man.

"I'm looking for the finest things in life, and that extends to my love of women," reads the ad posted late Friday by Nessie, who weighs 290 pounds and works as an assistant manager at Hero's Realm, a local comic-book retailer.

"If you have love handles, a paunch or a gut, I'm probably not the guy for you. Appearance means a great deal to me. If you don't have a healthy, attractive appearance, including FASHION SENSE, then how can I ask you to take care of me?"

Nessie posted the ad from his bachelor apartment while wearing a stained Green Lantern T-Shirt and track pants. "Hey, can you blame me for wanting the best?" Nessie said while cleaning his ears with a pen from behind the Hero's Realm cash register.

"The world is full of mediocre-looking women. Why shouldn't I want the best for myself? After all, it's not like I don't have a lot to offer." Other than his $6.50-an-hour job, Nessie can also look forward to chauffeuring his new love around town in a 1986 Ford Escort that he dubs the Love Machine although he has never indulged in sexual activity in it with a partner.

Elsewhere in the ad, Nessie wrote, "I take care of myself, and I expect nothing different from my soul mate," although he has a bottle of medicated cream prescribed for a noticeable skin condition that he seems to use solely for masturbatory purposes.

Nessie expressed the most pride in the final line of his ad, which he said took him "hours" to compose: "Please, I can't stress this enough -- no fatties." He told the Probe that this embodies his philosophy perfectly. "Fat chicks are a real turnoff to me," he said through a mouthful of Mars bar. "You have to draw the line somewhere. Besides, I like the waif look." "I figure it's only a matter of time before the right girl sees my ad," Nessie told coworkers.


Whilst I'm in no position to judge lardy-arsed people (being a fully paid up member of the club) you gotta admire the guy's audacity / confidence / stupidity. Looks like he' s completely oblivious to the real world. That said apparently there are a lot of guys out who actively seek out extremely overweight and obese women, so maybe he'll luck out!

Ah well each to their own, all you can really do is wish him the best in his quest. After all there is supposed to someone out there for everyone.

She'll be one lucky lady!!!


Ms Ann Thrope said...

Did this guy think that posting a pic of himself in his underwear would somehow improve his chances? Oh, I'm just jealous because I'm obviously not good enough for him.

Curly K said...

ms ann thrope, jealousy is a terrible afflication! I too, am gutted that I cannot have Nessie,it is a difficult cross to bear!

With regard to the underwear, I am just grateful that he wore some!!

winds said...

Well that's me out then. I'm working on lithe - I reckon another six months swimming should do it - but I'll never be hard-bodied.

Anyway, I bet he still lives with his mother.

I like your blog, by the way.

Curly K said...

Winds, bet he does live with his mother so hardly worth the effort of getting fit & lithe for him by swimming for six months.

Anyway, he's mine, I saw him first :-)

Thanks about the blog, I love it when new & interesting folks drop by.

The Swearing Lady said...

But curly k... it's the Comic Book Guy! What's wrong with you?

Curly K said...

Swearing Lady, I know I have a lot to learn!!!

Omaniblog said...

Curly K,
I've put a link to your post on my blog today. I found the photograph really challenging. It had a big influence on me.

Curly K said...

Omani, thanks for the link. In what way did the photo challenge you?

Omaniblog said...

I looked at it and went Uck... and then thought: this might be a really nice person. At first I didn't give that person a chance.
Which is unusual for me because I seldom judge people, even when I say nasty things about them.

doris said...

Perhaps he has a sense of humour and if one felt it and could overcome his ridiculous requirements and still apply then actually he could be a laugh.

Personally, I am disguseted by the dirty white socks. If they are so dirty...... ewwww.

ChittyChittyBangBang! said...

I'm stumped!
This is his 15 mins of fame, isn't it?

Paige A Harrison said...

When judging ourselves and our partners, it is important to have benchmarks. I suppose we have, at one end of the scale, Brad, Tom & Andy then we have to have this guy at the other end (who weighs as much as they do combined!).

Interesting how a man with not a lot going for him in the looks department, seems to place a premium on looks. Shame he didn't look for someone with a GSOH, then we could start to infer nice thing about him.


partygirljessica said...

is that even serious? but if he wants, i can help him "sell" himself by joining webdate*com. it's amazing jow you can find love even in the online world.