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Friday, March 14, 2008

Open letter to an arrogant (Ranger Rover driving) bitch!

Dear Arrogant (Range Rover Driving) Bitch,

Thank you for making me feel you were so close to me that we needed only one car, to be fair, had I known you had wanted a lift in the back of my humble car, I would have obliged. It warmed my heart to see you that you had your mother in your substantial vehicle - to be fair, like the rest of us, it's a lot more than ye had when ye were growing up!

It chuffed me to bits to see that you still manage to dress very well, despite having to shop in the wee exclusive boutiques locally - it's nice to see that you support the local community! I'm glad that you pointed out to me, in such a subtle manner, that you have been so successful in out-doing me, in monetary terms, by marrying a man with a rich father - well done you! How clever of you to dress well and flutter your not insubstantial eyelids at a number of men from moneyed families locally, whilst I, stupid fucking me, was at college, being a general tit and inconsequetially earning a degree along the way. How right of you to point out, in such an (in)subtle way that I was, in fact, wasting my time. Of course, you are right, the way to go, is in fact, to marry a man, who comes from a family with money, if one wants to feel superior and even just "show it off" a little. What pride or value is there, to be fair, in going to college, earning your own money, working in inconsequential jobs, actually working 9 to 5 and paying taxes; in even, heaven forbid, managing to buy a very wee house and car - all on your own - you are so right, it is in fact laughable.

Thank you for pointing out all these facts to me in a couple of subtle moves. I thought it was touching the way you felt you had to stay so close to my little car whilst driving behind me and how absolutely inciteful and clever of you to put me so subtly put me in my place when trying to park, the piece of shit that I was driving. How lovely of you to flash you headlights as I was parking and point out that, in fact, right being right, really I should move up for you and your mammy. All I can do is apologise, how terribly stupid of me to assume I could simply park my car without you practically coming into my boot, flashing lights along the way to let me know. I stupidly assumed that you could actually reverse park the huge vehicle you were driving, instead of having to bully a smaller car into going forward so you could fit into the parking space. It warms the cockles of my heart that you haven't been practising either manners or how to park since you married so well. I am beyond myself with delight that you know where you and I fit into this little town of ours, and thank you, most sincerely, for reminding silly old me, that it is, in fact, you that has life worked out. It is, without doubt, ensuring that one is wearing an outfit from the most expensive boutique in town, taking your mother out for a wee cup of tea whilst the minions actually work, ensuring you get the parking space that you deserve and hell, simply just flashing your money, or lights, as and when is necessary, to get what you want. Fuck the simple people; what is to be gained by being your own person, driving a car that costs less than the upolstery in a fabulous vehicle or even, in having common courtesy. You are right, of course, ensure everyone knows how wonderful, rich and fabulous you are, taking mammy out for a wee cup of tea whilst your nanny minds your children and the rest of the gobshites actually work for a living, look like shit and drive shit cars.

Well done you, keep on flashing and bullying, let's face it, it's always worked for you so far, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!!!

Curly K

(Curly K has nothing against Range Rovers, in fact one of the first cars she ever drove was a top of the range Range Rover and she absolutely loved it)


Deborah said...

Jeebus Curly... what a beyotch!

The Hangar Queen said...

Oooh..I was I had been there for that.I'd soon have wiped her Botox rictus grin off her puss.

With a lump hammer.

You're the winner in the long run.All she has was given to her and it can all be taken away.

No one can fucking touch you.

Anonymous said...

Well some people are just so goddamn helpful...you couldn't believe it!!! ;)


Govstooge said...

This is getting my nomination for next year's best post award. Beautiful stuff, and so fecking true!

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